*Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, even though everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

*There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

*You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

*Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

*Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the worst time for a guy to get those odds?

*You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

*Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

*By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

*Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends and have begun to grow in the middle.

*A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

*Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

*You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

*Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

*The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

*You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

*You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

*You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.

*The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

*It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

*You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

*Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.